The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
