she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
