While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
