I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
