I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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