I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
