he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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