Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
