my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize