Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
