so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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