really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize