update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
