I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
