my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Damn victory sex feels great
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
