Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
