Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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