Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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