D3 body, D1 cock
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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