I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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