Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
