So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize