I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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