it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
