just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
