I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
