He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize