Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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