dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
