she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize