whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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