So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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