Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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