Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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