It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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