Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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