Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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