Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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