Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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