There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
