I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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