So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
