My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
