can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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