jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
