hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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