I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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