Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
