hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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