How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
