Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
