If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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