I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
