And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
