I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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