I want to walk on stilts...naked
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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