O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
