My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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