Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
