You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
