May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
