When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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