I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
