Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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