What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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