did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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