You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
